THE MINISTER’S RELATIONSHIPS #5​
THE MINISTER AND HIS/HER FRIENDS
One of the things that has impressed me for quite some time is that Jesus in his earthly life – had friends. It’s one of the things that proves that He was truly human as well as being divine.
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It was no secret that Lazarus, Mary and Martha were people Jesus related to at a friendship level and within the Twelve everyone knew that there was a very special friendship between John and Jesus.
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That is not to say that Jesus showed them extra favour, because God does not have favourites, but he did have an easy relationship with them and possibly with others we do not know about.
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It could be argued that Jesus showed more love to Peter than he did to John when it came to forgiving him and endorsing Peter’s position of leadership within the Twelve when He could have promoted John on the basis of their friendship - but He didn’t!
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In Romans 16 the apostle Paul sent greetings to a number of people who were special to him and from that number he singled out those who were particular friends of his: “My dear friend Epenetus, Ampliatus my dear friend in the Lord, my dear friend Stachys, my dear friend Persis.”
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When it comes to ministers, we clearly have every right to have personal friends within whatever church, group or team we are in, but we should not show favouritism to them.
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Hopefully you and I have friends - people that we can relate to, people we can trust, be truly ourselves with and enjoy their company - and people who have welcomed us as their friends in return.
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Speaking personally, I had a very old friend – she was 101 when she went to be with the Lord this year, and I also take pleasure in having friends of both sexes and of all ages around the world. My youngest friend was Sam, and he was a friend to me first. Sam was the youngest son of the vicar and his wife whose church I started attending when I moved up to Yorkshire a year after my wife died. They had adopted this clever little boy when he was a baby and I had a special affinity with him because I am adopted too.
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I first met Sam when he was 3 years old and the first Christmas that I was in Yorkshire I was in a shopping centre and the vicar and his family walked in and stopped to say hello. Sam looked up at me and said “Paul” and I said “Yes?” – he said: “I’ve missed you!” – I was taken aback and said: “I’ve missed you too!” - I walked around that shopping centre for the rest of the afternoon with the biggest smile on my face and we became firm friends from then on!
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Friendships are a gift from God especially when we need support at times of crisis in life or ministry and the Bible encourages us to turn to them: “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). “Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbour nearby than a relative far away.” (Proverbs 27:10).
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So what would be a good definition of a friend? Here’s mine and you may well want to add to it - but here’s a start:
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A friend is someone who will listen, help, care, pray, support and be honest with you. A friend is someone you can trust, who will be faithful, kind and loving. Surely as Christians we should all be like that.
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In a sense just as we regard all Christians as brothers and sisters, so all Christians should be friends to each other, according to the definition above. Indeed Jesus, Paul, Peter, John and Jude addressed other believers generally as friends all the time (e.g. John 15:13-15, Phil 2:12, 1 Peter 2:11, 1 John 2:7, Jude 1:3).
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When I was teaching Pastoral theology, I would very often ask the students to write their own definition of a Pastor in one word and occasionally someone might write: “FRIEND”. Although there are many other aspects to ministry, whatever your ministry may be – evangelist, teacher, elder, youth leader, children’s worker – being a friend and certainly being friendly with people is a very good starting point!
The way that a minister should relate to friends is further explored in the podcast which can be found on this website.
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