THE MINISTER’S RELATIONSHIPS #4
THE MINISTER AND HIS/HER CHILDREN
My wife and I prayed that we would not have children unless they would one day be in heaven with us. It was not until I had retired from leading a church that I fully realised how difficult it is to be a PK (Pastor’s kid). I guess we all know of PK’s who not only rebelled against ‘church’ but even against the Lord because of the pressure of people’s expectations of them, and even their own parents' demands on them.
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Having grown up in church from being a babe in arms myself, I finally gave my heart to the Lord when I was just eleven years old. However, when I went to senior school and was taught evolutionary theories as if they are facts, which of course they are not, I had severe doubts which led me to backslide (although I continued to go to church). I eventually worked through those doubts and came through to a real living faith, by the grace of God.
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In view of my own experience, I gave my children freedom to come to faith themselves without any pressure to ‘make a decision.’ Some of their friends did decide to go through the waters of baptism as teenagers, but they did not, and I know that this was a disappointment to some people in the church. Hopefully they kept praying for them and eventually both my son and daughter in their own way came to faith.
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I also believed that it was important for our children to be ‘normal.’ I knew of other parents in the church who were not even leaders, who stopped their children from doing quite innocent things like watching TV or listening to pop music which only made them feel jealous or different from their friends in school who had no such restrictions. Again, this can do a lot of damage and cause rebelliousness. The only thing I stopped my daughter from doing was reading Harry Potter books, which she has never forgiven me for!
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Children of ministers not only have pressure from people’s expectations, but they also eventually see if their own parents are walking close to the Lord. To my shame, I remember one occasion when I was a bit grumpy over Sunday lunch after a very long, tiring morning. My daughter was about 16 years old, and she very justifiably responded to my moodiness by saying: “Oh did you notice how lovely it was to have Pastor Paul at church with us this morning?” That put me in my place!
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Those in ministry are under pressure themselves, but it’s vital that we put wife and family after our commitment to the Lord and before our work for Him. Firstly, I am my children’s father and one of the most helpful quotes I ever heard was by Fr Theodore Hesburgh: "The most important thing a father can do for his children – is to LOVE THEIR MOTHER.”
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Furthermore, as I mentioned last time and explained further in the podcast, we are spiritually responsible for our family and as well as being their father I was their pastor, not because I was the leader of a church, but because that is who I am, and if I am a pastor to others, I most certainly should be to them.
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My wife and I prayed for our children every morning together as they were growing up and even more as they got older, and I continue to do that for them to this day and now for my grandchildren too. I am continuously seeking the Lord for His guidance, grace and protection for them in their everyday lives but - and this is a challenge – also for their spiritual lives and destiny – I want to help them to be faithful to the end and have a glorious entry into God’s everlasting kingdom!
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“Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom,
that we may present every man
perfect in Christ Jesus."
Colossians 1:28 (NKJ)
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This should be the goal and aim and end of every ministry
- but top priority for the minister and his or her children!
The Podcast that goes with this message can be found on the PODCASTS page of the website.
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